In mid-September I remember writing that I felt like a boxer after a 15-round fight. I was being hit from all sides but felt like I was winning because I was still standing. The blows kept coming and on September 29th I resigned my position and asked if I could travel to England to recover.
I was physically and mentally spent. I had had 4 consecutive illnesses and lost 8 lbs in 23 days, 6% of my body weight. As you all know I did not have 8 lbs to spare. It is extremely difficult to be away from my family, but the ship is a front-line ministry, it is not designed for rest and recovery. I do not understand the fullness of the situation but I feel certain that Jesus is a good shepherd and He is making me lie down, and He is restoring my soul (and body).
I was a bit over-focused on my responsibilities and was neglecting my relationships. Like a sheep too focused on his grass quota. Head down, keep going. The shepherd knows that the healthiest position for the sheep is lying down. So the shepherd takes his staff and puts the crook around the sheep's neck... and twists it, forcing the sheep to lie down (or have its neck snapped). It doesn't sound loving, but it is.
I've been well look after in England by Mercy Ships friends, and family. I'm staying with Rachel's folks and Jenny is an amazing cook who is determined to fatten me up. I'm not clear how the future will unfold but I know that Jesus is watching over me and my family, and He is a good shepherd.
Since writing the above, we heard yesterday that I have been medically cleared to return to the ship, so I will fly back to my family next weekend. We are all very relieved and thankful. Thank you all so much for your prayers, support and kind words.
I found out yesterday that my dad suffered a massive hemorrhagic stroke this week. He was found unresponsive and remained that way until his death yesterday. I called the ICU yesterday and he was on "comfort care", receiving a morphine drip. There was nothing left to do, his brain was not coming back.
When I was saying goodbye to him last year in Denver I knew I would never see him again on earth. I was almost out the door of the nursing home after taking my dad out for a cheeseburger and Starbucks, and God spoke to me very clearly, "Go back and tell him how much you love him". So I returned, bent down and looked him in the eyes and we exchanged "I love you". He fought with amazing strength to keep his independence and freedom. In less than 2 years he suffered a heart attack, a major stroke that left him unable to walk without a walker, open heart surgery replacing all FIVE vessels, femoral bypass surgery x 2, and a broken hip.
We lived in New Hampshire when I was a child. The state motto is "Live Free or Die". That was my dad.
His suffering is over. No more broken mind, no more broken body.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death and mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
-Revelations 21:4
Please pray for my mom Sandi, my brothers Steven, Brian and Tim. Also for Rachel and I as we help our kids process this loss. Thank you.
In his hands,
Kevin
